04: The Second Man
Logan here.
By the time this blog is published (if I quit procrastinating and get it up in time), I will be 24 years old. Everyone but God expected me to arrive in October of 2001, but in His good timing, I showed up on July 10th. You know what they say: early bird gets the cerebral palsy! No, wait, that doesn’t sound right. Jokes aside, I can’t help but speculate how different my life would be if God had seen fit for me to be born on my original due date. I would’ve had more time to grow, and probably wouldn’t have my disability. Without my disability, there would be so many experiences and people I wouldn’t have. Of course, those experiences would still be good, because they’d still be God’s plan. Yet, that isn’t my story. Not three months from now, but today, I am 24, and the Lord remains faithful to work in me.
I chose to title this blog “The Second Man.” It is an ode to a song from Switchfoot, a band I’ve listened to from early childhood, but really got hooked on in high school. The song is called Twenty-four and you can hear it here. I learned that songwriter Jon Foreman penned it just before his 25th birthday, reflecting on what the previous year and being 24 meant to him. If you’ll bear with me, dear reader, I’d like to nerd out a little and take you through some key lyrics of this song, ultimately sharing my hopes for what 24 will bring.
Switchfoot’s Twenty-four is essentially a prayer of humble confession, with the number 24 repeated in the verses. Foreman explains in this live performance that it wasn’t just his age, but a recognition of inner conflict, “the twenty-four masks [he] wear[s], the twenty-four voices in [his] head…” In one particular verse, He spends time admitting his brokenness, singing
There's twenty-four reasons to admit that I'm wrong, with all my excuses still twenty-four strong.
As I’m writing, I’m mulling over my patterns of brokenness, how much of my mistakes and sins are tied up in excuses. I’m wrong when I get impatient and snap at my parents, who are trying to make sure I can have as much independence and opportunity as possible, but I excuse my behavior because I’m tired. I’m wrong when I put off praying for friends and family because it feels like a laundry list to trudge through. I’m wrong in not being more bold about my faith at work or seeking deeper opportunities to befriend those who don’t know Jesus, but I tell myself it’s not the right time, or I worry about coming off preachy. I think those are the voices Foreman is referring to and that I struggle against, the voices that value comfort or others’ opinion over truth and obedience to the Truth. In turn, those voices spout shame, telling me I’m not doing enough, that I’m a screw-up, that I can’t grow. Right now, dear reader, you may be thinking, Dang, Logan, we thought this was supposed to be about your birthday. Pretty depressing way to celebrate. Hang with me!
Amidst these bitter struggles, the lyrics shift to a tone of resilience as Foreman insists that he’s
“not copping out, when You’re raising the dead in me,”
and the chorus repeats one phrase: “I am the second man now.” You’ve probably guessed already, but the “You” referred to here is God, who draws people into relationship with Him, restoring and repairing His image in them, raising to new life that which was dead (see 2nd Corinthians 5:17). God is the Resurrector, but He doesn’t raise the dead and leave them to walk in life alone. I am called to become the “second man,” allowing my Creator and King to work on my heart over time, and, as Jesus lays out, He will form in me a heart that loves others more (see Matthew 22:36-40 & Philippians 2:3).
Maybe you’re like me and you think in terms of action steps: reading more, praying more, decreasing social media, trying to bring less work home with me (all things I’ve told myself to do for a long time). Those are all good things that I should work on, however, they’re all tied to my own effort. A continual theme in my relationship with Jesus and in sermons at church lately has been the unlearning of self-sufficiency. In order for real, lasting growth to happen, I have to first let the Lord in. I have to trust him with my time, my work, my writing, my relationships. Will I do this perfectly? No, I have to reorient my heart and mind on a daily basis, but that is human. Without Him, I’ll just be striving birthday after birthday, never content, exhausted, dead. I don’t know about you, dear reader, but that sounds lousy to me.
As I thought about my hopes and dreams for turning 24, a lot of thoughts ran through my mind. However, at my birthday dinner with my family, my very wise and encouraging sister-in-law, (shoutout Kim!) helped me articulate that I’m aspiring to be more spontaneous, go on adventures with family and friends. My disability often puts limits and caveats on social experiences. For example, I can’t just get up and go get coffee or hang with a friend. I have to get a ride to and from, and depending on the accessibility of the destination, I have to determine which of my chairs is most practical. My mom has to plan vacations taking under consideration what I can and can’t do. With that said, I’m incredibly grateful for my family and friends who strive to include and accommodate me. Yet, I can’t help but think of the joy and excitement of going somewhere, doing something with the people I love, and, as much as we can, not worrying about logistics or planning. Simply going and seeing what’s out there, and if I can’t do it, we figure out a Plan B in the moment, or at the very least, have an interesting story to tell. I can love others by putting less responsibility on them to plan around me. I can trust my safety and enjoyment to the One holds my life and placed within my life each and every person I call a loved one.
Many of you are already aware, but probably the single most exciting recent development in my life is Gia, my girlfriend (yes, you read that right, I have a girlfriend, and yes, she really is that pretty). I have had the time of my life getting to know her, laughing with her, and discovering for the first time what real romantic relationship looks like. I have fallen HARD for her, like, we’re talking IN LOVE, and, get this, she loves ME, too! I want more adventures with Gia, to learn how to serve her, and I want to be ready for what God has for our future as we let him raise the dead in us.
Me and Gia!
I’m realizing it’s not so much what I want for my birthday, it’s what I need as a new 24-year-old and for the rest of my life: to be The Second Man. Will I do this perfectly? No, I have to reorient my heart and mind on a daily basis, but that is expected. I want 24 to be a year of letting go, loving others deeper and embracing adventures. I’m not copping out!