13: Someone To Be Brave For
186.3 years is not enough!
Logan here.
This month, I went to theaters on two separate occasions for the same movie. The first time, I went with Gia, and we both loved it. The second time, I watched alongside my friend Kevin, fellow movie nerd and profoundly wise thinker. I originally had a totally different topic in mind for this post, but I really love watching movies and talking about them, and this one’s too good to pass up. The movie is Project Hail Mary, a space adventure story that explores themes of bravery, sacrifice and making the most out of adversity. It gave me much to reflect on and I invite you to do so with me [insert cheesy space pun about “takeoff” or “launch” here].
Without spoilers, I’ll attempt to give you my synopsis of the movie. Project Hail Mary opens with our main character, played by Ryan Gosling, waking up from a coma on a spaceship of which he is the only surviving crew member. Through flashbacks, we learn that he is middle school science teacher and once-renowned scientist Dr. Ryland Grace, who is recruited on a suicide mission to research and eliminate “astrophage,” an organism in space that is slowly eating away at the sun. As Grace grapples with being so utterly alone, he is located and contacted by an alien creature, later named Rocky, who is likewise alone and dealing with the toll of astrophage on his own planet. The two unite in the effort to save their worlds, facing the unknown and the peril together.
In a flashback, Grace speaks with Yao, one of the astronauts, commending him for agreeing to this dangerous journey that may or may not be successful. Grace [yet to be recruited to embark on the mission himself], jokes that Yao must have a special “bravery gene” that enables him to be so willing, so ready. In what has become my favorite quote of the movie, Yao assures Grace, “it’s not a gene, you just need to find someone to be brave for.” This idea carries through the rest of the movie as we follow Grace’s journey, and it certainly stuck with me.
The question I ask myself is two-fold: what does bravery look like in my own life and who am I being brave for? I probably won’t ever be called on to go to space or save Earth. I mean, I’m nowhere near as skilled as Ryland Grace or as charming as Ryan Gosling. Sometimes, people will credit me with bravery for just doing everyday things as a disabled person (I wrote on that in more detail here), but I’d like to be more nuanced here. My buddy Kevin and I have lately discussed the idea of bravery/courage in the face of fear. As we sat with the movie even a couple days after seeing it, he shared with me a speech he’d recently given at a family memorial event for his dad and his uncle. In it, Kevin writes,
“Courage is something that can only be activated in us when fear or resistance is impressed upon us. If the path forward is clear, courage can simply not be displayed. It is important to remember that while fear can exist without courage, courage cannot exist without fear…Let us be vulnerable in saying, ‘I am scared to take this step.’ Let us display the courage [to say] ‘So I will take this step scared.’
Kevin’s insight is helpful because I struggle with fear over lots of things. For instance, I’m scared of adulthood, especially as an adult with disabilities who has relied on and benefitted from the support of his parents all his life. When Mom and Dad are gone, will I be able to thrive? Could I learn to manage finances, insurance, transportation, a household? I can’t cook a meal for myself, I can’t clean myself up all on my own. Sure, I’ve got plenty of willing and able family and friends that will always have to help somehow, but at some point, I’m gonna have to learn my own part in those adult things. The older both me and my parents get, the more I’ll have to take on. It’ll be real, and it’ll be scary.
As time progresses, I am faced with fear, and a call to be brave, learning and adapting to independence both physically and emotionally. This brings me to the second part of my earlier question: who do I want to be brave for? (Hint: she’s in the photo above). You guessed it — Gia! After years of hoping and dreaming for a woman who would one day become my wife, God brought her into my life. No, dear reader, this is not an engagement announcement, but yes, someday I’m going to marry her! That call to be brave, to face the unknown, is for her. She is, as anybody with functioning eyes can see, a beautiful woman, but also has a wonderful heart. She has an awe for God and His creation, a deep awareness of His love that I aspire to. She cares for me with tenderness and understanding, accommodating my physical needs without hesitation. She loves me and sees beauty in me like no one ever has. Even when faced with my fear and brokenness, she hasn’t given up on me. She is who I want to talk to every day, to laugh with, be vulnerable with, who I want to live side by side with for the rest of my life. Gia, I love you so much. Just like Rocky said about life with his mate, 186.3 years is not enough!
Dear reader, go see Project Hail Mary, it’s a wonderful movie! As you leave the theater, (yes, I highly recommend seeing it on a big screen) I hope you leave with a renewed sense of bravery as you reflect on who you’ll be brave for.