05: “I Can’t Carry it for You, But I Can Carry You”
Me with my fellow groomsmen at our good friend Nathan’s (the head that looks like it’s emerging from my shoulder) wedding! An “uplifting” experience.
Logan here.
When’s the last time someone picked you up and carried you? Weird opener, Logan. What are we doing? Just humor me, y’all. When was that moment for you? Were you a child struggling to master your first steps? Were you heroically rescued from a burning building? (If so, please tell me that story!) I’ve been carried numerous times over the course of my life. Sometimes, buildings don’t have elevators. Sometimes, you and your parents are so focused on getting to an event on time, and you make it (yay!), only to discover you forgot one important thing: the wheelchair. Welcome, dear reader, to the fifth installment of Writer on Wheels, where I’ll explore my own understanding of the act of carrying, and invite you to mull over what carrying looks like to you.
If you’re new to this blog, welcome, I’m glad you’re here! Here’s some quick context: I’m Logan, the guy in the wheelchair in the above photo. I was born with cerebral palsy, limiting the use of my legs, which means I’ve learned (and am still learning) to rely on wheelchairs and the help of others to get where I need to go: school, church, work, the bathroom, you name it. The story from earlier about leaving my wheelchair at home? That is true and has occurred more than once. One such occasion was in the parking lot of the Italian place I had chosen for my birthday dinner. We got all the way to the restaurant, started to unload, and my dad brings me the news. We discuss briefly, and begrudgingly I agree to let him bring me inside. If we were headed into a room full of family and friends, I wouldn’t think too much of it, but this was a public place filled with strangers who have no knowledge of my chair, and thus no signifier of my disability. For teenage Logan, this was a pretty embarrassing situation, and I admit that I still feel that when I think about it. I looked way to too old to be traveling like that, looking over my dad’s shoulder. To the unknowing observer, this was probably a spectacle!
Reflecting on that moment now, I recognize the shame I felt over my physical and logistical circumstances. However, God has been shifting my perspective, as He is known to do! Jesus offers rest to any and all who would submit to and follow Him (see Matthew 11:28-30). That rest is found in Him alone because, through the cross, He alone carried the weight and punishment of human sin, which we, as the sinners, deserved (see 1 Peter 2:24). The greatest act of love we’ll ever know is thus signified as God in the flesh bearing, or carrying, a burden, one that none of us humans could ever bear. That’s good news, huh? There’s more! That divine rest continually flows from Him, and He encourages you to live humbly, “casting all your care on Him, because He cares about you.” (1st Peter 5:7). I settled on the topic of this post when my girlfriend (Gia, when you have a chance to read this, hi!) sent me a video that said “I’ll make it because God carries me.” At the time, she was mere days away from taking the biggest exam of her life, the NPTE. Spoiler alert, she passed! She is now not only a fully-licensed Doctor of Physical Therapy, (yes, I am dating a doctor, and no, I’ll never get tired of saying that.)
In the act of carrying someone, there is a sacrifice and mutual trust. The one being carried submits themselves to the carrier, trusting in their willingness and physical strength for support while the carrier forsakes some level of comfort and energy as they take on additional weight. Yet, in spite of any hesitancy on either side, that mutual trust communicates that the destination is not unreachable, all it takes is partnership. Every time I’ve trusted someone to carry me, whether or not I realized it at the time, I’ve been equipped and enabled to have experiences I wouldn’t have, or tasted freedom I didn’t know. That night at the restaurant, I wasn’t focused on the effort it took my dad to get me out of the car, into the restaurant and seated, and to do it again when we were ready to go, or how frustrating it must’ve been for him to realize the chair was missing. Yet, he saw my need and met it. Similarly, a few years ago, my workplace was in a temporary space which was pretty cramped, hot, and had a second floor, but no elevator. Despite the circumstances, my coworkers (sometimes a team of them) would carry me up the steps so that I could participate with everyone else in staff meeting. They saw my need and met it. God knew our need for Him, and met it through the giving of His Son. In light of that news, I’m called, as are you, dear reader, to respond by loving and as much as we can, carrying the burdens of those around us (see Galatians 6:2).
In closing, I’d like to share my favorite depiction of this type of love: this scene in the third movie of The Lord of the Rings trilogy, “The Return of the King.” Frodo, destined to carry the One Ring to its destruction, is drained physically, mentally, and emotionally. He can hardly bear the weight of his Middle-Earth-saving task. We hear Sam say, “I can’t carry it for you, but I can carry you!” He is not taking the Ring and making himself the hero, he is not lessening Frodo’s calling by trying to take it from him. Sam sees a need and gives of himself so that his friend can be who he’s meant to be. Neither my dad (profoundly, also named Sam), nor any of those who have carried me anywhere have ever claimed to carry the burden of my CP on my behalf. That journey is for me and the Lord. However, He has given me people willing and able to carry me, that I might continue that journey. You’ve got burdens too, dear reader. Are you carrying them alone?